Desires are not the issue
“Desires are not the issue - it’s attachment to desires that causes suffering” - Laura Poole
To go ‘all in’ on a chosen pursuit and yet remain detached from the outcome requires all of the big four virtues. Most fitting is the wisdom to know the game we’re playing and how to play it well.
On a call with my own coach a few weeks back I put the question to him: “how do I go all in and yet remain detached from the outcome?”. His response: “commit to committing”; meta-commitment, if you will. This way, commitment itself is fulfilment.
A good question to ask yourself here is, am I in the process game? Or am I in the results game?
If you answered the latter, it’s fair to say perhaps you’re on the wrong path. We cannot control the outcome of our efforts. John Woodin - the most successful coach in the history of basketball - never, ever mentioned winning to his players. Never. He focused their attention entirely on the process: doing the right thing, moment to moment, day after day, for the betterment of the team.
In the Vedic world we’re taught (upon actioning desire) to monitor our feelings, particularly when things don’t go our way. If we feel we haven’t lost anything or missed out or failed, like our desired outcome is easy to let go of, it’s merely a sign that something better awaits. (Hallelujah, praise the lord!).
If, however, we fear we’ve missed out on something we desperately need, it is a sure-fire sign that we’re coming from a lack mentality; that we are seeking fulfilment from the fruits of our action, rather than the action itself.
*N.B. When we have this realisation, the last thing to do is beat ourselves up about it. Bring a flashlight, not a hammer! Shine a light on why we feel we aren’t enough? This is a time for self-enquiry leading to growth; not self-shaming leading to heartache. And when we do realise that we’re slightly off-track, celebrate it! Feel the buzz of the mistake-learners high!
“We can become free by giving up not material things, but selfish attachment to material things” - Eknath Easwaran
Furthermore, upon asking my good friend Pascal - a former Augustinian of 20+ years - how one would best go about remaining detached from outcomes?, he made the super-insightful point that the big problem with attachment to a specific result is that it compromises our ability to learn along the way. When we have our hearts set on specifics down the line, we risk missing - albeit unintentionally - so much; a lot of which is doubtless better for us (and the world) than that on which our heart is set.
Imagine you are the water flowing down a river; on one side the land is rigid and of fixed outcomes. On the other, the land is flexible, perhaps whimsical even and open to all sorts of ‘inspiration’… You’d be well advised to flood neither side but flow smoothly down the middle taking note of what each side has to offer whilst forging ahead, learning as you go.
“What is it we are questing for? It is the fulfilment of that which is potential within each of us” - Joseph Campbell
If, like me, you are deeply committed to self-mastery and the fulfilment of your highest potential - in service to the greater world - get in touch with Best Mind now for a meditation and mind-coaching package. My dharma is to help you realise your greatest gifts and in doing so, actualise my own.